wonderwoman2.0I am watching Wonder Woman and writing this review on the fly. Bear with me as I am trying to type as fast as I can and I may have to stop back and fix whatever I can remember needs fixing.

SPOILERS AHEAD (Read at your own risk)

I have heard a lot of people raving about this movie, and a lot of talk about the “first female action movie blockbuster”. First that is incorrect. Hunger Games, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, The Force Awakens and Rogue One were ALL female led action movie blockbusters long before this.

But since so many are saying good things…let’s take a look.

So here we go…

Oh look Diana Prince is an antiques dealer? So was Connor McCleod in “Highlander” There’s an original concept.

Training of young Diana….see also Highlander. “Never lower your guard.”

My first big issue with Wonder Woman is they rushed the set up and leaving the island with Steve Trevor.

It was. “No Diana, you can’t go.” then suddenly….. “Yeah I’m going” and “I know and we can’t stop you. Bye.”

Didn’t need to see her as a little kid. There was no point. As if the fade through from her adult face to her child face wasn’t enough of an obvious transition we had to have everyone in town shout, “Hi Diana!” and then have her mother call to her as well over and over.

The director spoon fed that as if the audience are a bunch of dopes. Sadly Hollywood typically does that all too often.

Action was good and pretty sound on the beach. I would have liked a more organized assault on the Germans by women who spend their entire lives fighting. They should have cleaned house with the Germans in a much easier way. It was their home turf so it should have been a breeze, and they had the high ground on the cliffs so why even bother jumping down when they had archers. That made very little sense. Overall they should have made minced meat out of the Germans regardless of whether or not Germans had rifles.

Didn’t like how the Germans happened to find the island. You mean to tell me in the thousands of years that nobody happened upon that island that way? Either I missed something or they stumbled upon the island far too easily.

Robin Wright’s character was good. I would have rather seen more of how that black Amazon was such a bad ass. They gave a mention of it, but not much after that.

The exposition of how they got there was okay, but could have been handled better It think . She told a bedtime story as if she had never told that story to her daughter before. Just a V.O. from Diana Prince telling the story would have been better.

Hell even Sean Connery’s “From the dawn of time we came..” opening to Highlander was a better exposition.

So far….it’s just okay.

So if Wonder Woman kills Ares and the war ends, then explain World War II, Vietnam War, etc.  In the Thousands of years and the 100 years war and other major wars worldwide…an Amazon NEVER left the island to stop Ares who clearly caused those wars too?

So let’s put Steve Trevor and Wonder Woman on a boat in the dark and have them start talking about sex. Then have her say men are unnecessary because it is important that not only do we have a strong female hero, but she has to be a lesbian, or say that men are worthless.

Why are the Germans not speaking German amongst themselves?

Look guys, the German bad guy general just shot someone for no reason so we know he is a bad guy.

So Dr. Poison can’t just be an evil person who creates poison gas, she has to create SUPER poison gas?

Was London around World War I all grays and muted tones? This looks like it was run through Zach Snyder’s color palette.

Men would not walk around in public holding hands at that time period, but Jenkins had to inject modern day sexual morays into early 1900’s Europe.

“Oooh a baby!” Of course she has to be portrayed as maternalistic as well.

Enter Comic Relief. They are rushing this entire clothing scene. And did I miss something? Why is Diana naked? She was wearing clothes on the island.

Why does she have to wear glasses? Why would she WANT To wear glasses. So they turn the strong super female into a dress up doll? How empowering.

Evil people just magically find Steve Trevor in an overpopulated city of London. This alley scene is basically the same way Clark first protected Lois in Superman 1978.

Look let’s make the strong woman in this movie be distracting to men because she is so beautiful as if they have never seen a woman before.

She said what the language was but not that she could read it, so instead of asking her to read it they just let her read it.

She doesn’t know what “The Front” means, but she knows Hydrogen and Sulfur gas? I guess she is well educated in chemistry too.

So far our Mary Sue Checklist:

  • Super Strong
  • Made my the Gods
  • Super Beautiful
  • Can see bullets in slow motion
  • Super reflexes
  • Can sail a boat
  • Can ride a horse
  • Knows Chemistry
  • And how to read Sumarian

And why would Dr. Poison write in Sumarian?

You don’t burn, or blow up where they are making Gas.

If you burn gas and materials that house gas that will release the gas into the air. If you blow up gas…same result.

Steve Trevor says the gas will kill people on both sides. The British General says, “That’s what soldiers do.”

SERIOUSLY?

That is perhaps one of the laziest lines ever written.

I liked that he put on the lasso to prove to her he was telling the truth.

And Enter the bar to find Captain America’s Howling Commandos.

Add to Mary Sue Checklist…she can speak every language.

This entire first hour is really being rushed. We went from Diana’s youth, to Trevor crashing, Germans attacking, Diana and Trevor escaping, sex talk, arriving in London, dress up time for Diana, Alley fight, meeting British Generals and meeting the Howling Commandos in ONE hour?

Why would she call a man who shoots with guns a coward, when her people shoot with bows and arrows. Both are ranged weapons that can kill an enemy from a distance.

Oh she speaks French too? She sure learned a LOT living on one island her entire life.

And she throws the guy across the bar and nobody asks how she did that?

She has never had ice cream before, but know how to eat it?

Chris Pine is enjoyable in the role playing…..Chris Pine.

“What kind of weapon kills innocents?”

That’s a stupid line. The Amazons were trained to be warriors. Of course they would know that innocents sometimes die. They are trying to dance between naive and Mary Sue with Diana. The writing is weak.

But I thought only beating Ares could stop the war. If that’s the case then the countries would not be negotiating an armistice…which is what they did historically anyway.

I think it would have been better if she beat Ares…then THAT lead to the armistice negotiation.

Let me guess…Lutendorf is Ares in human form?

This campfire scene  could have been cut down to help the pacing of the first hour. I guess they want us to get to know the Howling Commandos better. Believe it or not, I learned to like the Howling Commandos in The First Avenger better with the short bar scene and watching them in action.

And she speaks German too.

They are doing too much to make Diana suddenly sensitive and this No Man’s Land scene is ham handed at best.

If you cut THIS and the camp fire scene out entirely you’d have a better movie.

No suddenly she puts on her Wonder Woman gear? And the first time she can deflect bullets on the move?

The Germans are shooting all at her torso and not at her legs.

And she is stopping a machine gun, but that gun is not shooting anywhere else?

I hate to rain on your parade Jenkins but a machine gun in 1917 cannot fire that much and that quickly without overheating.

This No Man’s Land scene is horrible and contrived. They once again are rushing the story forward.

Good fight scene in the building. A few too many slow mo cuts, but a fun scene.

So Germans have surrounded her, and shoot at her from behind, but they only shoot at her bracelets?

The lasso fight was okay. SNIPER?!? The key of a sniper in combat is for you NOT to see the sniper.

Jenkins is trying to make a war scene in this town, but not doing a great job of it. It was too clean and choreographed.

So she is a hero of this French town and they all know who she is. You don’t think those stories will carry through time.

The photo would have been better and more impactful if there was more drama and loss associated with the previous battle.

So the entire down has been blown to hell, but the telephone still works.

BINGO: I called it. Lutendorff is Ares. Not predictable at all.

Nice quiet moment of character development. Gal Godot is nice in the role, but the writing is brutal. So we have to have Steve and Diana fall in love. Do we always need a love story of some sort?

Why is Diana kissing Steve? Didn’t she say that men were useless unless it was for making a baby? And they had to rush THAT love affair too.

This movie is like a McFormula film.

For Steve Trevor to be British intelligence he sure does a horrible German accent.

But I liked the tension of the scene with Dr. Poison.

So Diana walks in in a striking blue dress…when nobody else is where a bright color, and people are staring, and she has a sword in her back…but they can’t see it?

So Wonder Woman can breathe poison gas?

And suddenly Wonder Woman flips to blame the men who she has been fighting along side for the entire 3rd act. Yes we know…men are evil.

THAT was the fight vs Ares? That was it?

And now “we are all to blame” for war? The writing in this scene is horrible. How does Diana believe that all people are good without Ares influence when her people said to stay on their island because people could not be trusted. That makes no sense.

So the British guy is now Ares and just suddenly shows up out of nowhere? Sigh.

Another villain monologuing…

So all of this leads to, “Join me and together we can end this destructive conflict.”  – Empire Strikes Back

At least Steve Trevor’s sacrifice was written better than Steve Rogers sacrifice in First Avenger.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”

Ares sounds like Schwarzenegger. “Do It!!!”

“I can save today. You can save the world.”

How many pauses are there in this battle?

So the superwoman needs the love of a man to give her strength?

Why does Ares look like an old British man even after he transforms?

“And I believe in love”. How lame.

Yup, it takes the love of a man to give Diana her strength.

The fight was pathetic, absolutely pathetic.

Question: If Wonder Woman can beat a GOD…the GOD OF WAR and she is only a Titan or Demi-God…..then what’s left for her? She’s peaked. Once you beat the GOD OF WAR…you can beat anyone.

And if she can beat the God of War then how come she had such a tough time with Doomsday?

I see that as a problem.

And magically the sun starts to rise right after the battle ends.

And back to London and it’s muted tones.

They could have very easily done this movie without the love story and it would have had the same impact. Steve Trevor could have survived and the story would have been just fine.

“And now I know that only love can truly save the world.” ???

That ending was rushed just like most of this movie.

Not a terrible movie, but not a great movie.

Wonder Woman is like a D student writing a B paper. The best you’re going to give that student is a C+.

So Wonder Woman gets a C+.

The first act was rushed.

The second act was too slow

The third act was a mess

And it was sprinkled throughout with bits of entertaining moments, but no enough to make it a truly memorable film.

What they should have done:

Since they ended the movie with Diana narrating, why didn’t they just start the movie with her narrating?

I would have liked it better if she was sharing the story of her creation and this movie with Bruce Wayne at the beginning of the film.

Then after the story they cut back to her and Bruce talking at a cafe or somewhere private. And they walk out and she gets into her car to drive off and before she does that she takes a Funeral placard off her car. Yes, they sat and talked right after Superman’s funeral.

Now get back to work
– The Tyrant Boss

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